I am feeling pretty low lately. We are moving to Arkansas. I try to actually follow that saying that if you can't say something nice, you shouldn't say anything at all. So...
moving on...
I just read this
post from Morgan. I remember that time, too.
Rebecca came over to my house to tell me about Amanda with another friend of ours. I was trying on outfits to wear somewhere, don't remember where. She told me they had driven by Amanda's house and seen lots of people, police cars, etc. I said, no way, that can't be true. You're wrong.
One of my best friends was standing on my doorstep crying because a friend had committed suicide, and I flat out refused to believe her. I am not proud of that moment. I remember walking back upstairs to my room, but I don't know what I did after that.
The next day at school was crazy. My boyfriend and I, and some friends left school in the middle of the day and went to eat - I think at Waffle House. It was crazy.
Amanda had been in a car accident the year before. She suffered a severe brain injury. She was in a coma for six weeks. I never went to visit her. I am not proud of that, either. She came back to school at some point - I don't remember if it was that year or the next. She went to cheerleading camp with us that summer. Less than a year after the accident. At the time I didn't realize how amazing that was. I know now.
That all happened in 1997-1998. Fast forward to November 12, 2004. I answer a phone call from my hysterical mother in law. She is telling my that my husband was in a car accident and the hospital won't tell her anything, just that she should come back from North Carolina. Mackey was in a head on collision. He was combative with the ER staff so they had to sedate him. He didn't wake up from the sedation for at least four days. I can't remember exactly. I remember other things. Like standing by his bed rubbing his arm the way he likes, hoping to bring him comfort.
Mackey was at Atlanta Medical Center for two weeks. I called the Shepherd Center, and thankfully they took him. He was there for another two weeks, then went to out patient care. At the Shepherd Center, he had the same doctor as Amanda - Dr. Donald P. Leslie. He is a great doctor. Praise the Lord, Mackey has had an awesome recovery. He also suffered a severe brain injury, but it was nowhere near as bad as Amanda's. Her sister and my sister worked together for a few years (at CGHS), and I found out more details about the severity of her injuries.
Mackey still struggles with the aftermath of his brain injury. And so do I, but in a different way. When I think about what he has been through, and what she must have gone through, I am so sad. I wish I had been a better friend, tried harder, something. To think that she was back at school less than a year later is absolutely unbelievable. Learning new things is extremely difficult after a brain injury. Relearning what you already know is hard, but new learning is another layer of difficulty.
Mackey was constantly being asked if he ever thought about suicide. He did not, and even got annoyed by the question. Apparently the suicide rate is really high after brain injuries. Amanda was only 17, Mackey was 26 - a very different place in life. The psychologist at Shepherd told me that the brain definitely heals for two years after an injury, and probably up to five years after. Someone I know told me her daughter showed improvement for even longer.
I am not exactly sure why I am rehashing all this. Well, maybe I do. Maybe God is reminding me that He is good. He was so faithful to me during my darkest time. I truly could not have handled that experience on my own. My prayers were answered.
And so I should pray now, for strenth, for courage. To feel His presence in my loneliness.
Something good about Arkansas: I will get to actually live with my husband again, instead of him visiting on weekends. He has been traveling every week for a while now, and with the new job we will be together everyday.
